A Parent's Perspective

As the parent of a child with a developmental disability, and having grown up with a sibling who had severe hearing as well as developmental delays, my tip is geared for parents and caregivers alike: 

(1)          It is important to remember that children may have significant delays we don't always understand, and that we should not let others push us into having over-expectations for them.  The tendency is to push them along as fast as we can to make up for "lost time."  In doing this, newly acquired skills don't always have time to gel for the child before we are adding new ones.  This results in frustration for the child, who often has difficulty expressing that he/she is not quite ready to move on just yet.  Don't misunderstand me; I do realize that our children need to be intensely coached and new skills DO need to be introduced.  I'm just suggesting that we be more observant of how rapidly we are sometimes pushing them in our rush to help them be more like their "typical" peers.  Our children, like all children, are susceptible to feelings of failure and low self esteem that they often have no way to express to us.  It's our job to gauge how well they seem to be handling our expectations and those of their teachers.  If behavior problems are creeping into the picture more frequently than usual, look at what is being expected of them that may be causing them to act out in a negative way. 

(2)          It is important when discussing goals for your child's IEP to encourage those working with your child to break some of the goals down into more workable increments.  We all want to lead our children into a successful situation and not a frustrating one.  For example, if your child has difficulty writing, and after much work can finally print each letter of the alphabet and successfully print his own name each time he is asked, is it reasonable to then require him to start writing five words, five times each as a homework assignment?  Speaking from experience, I can say that it is NOT reasonable.  I remember seeing my younger brother sit at the table for hours, crying, while trying to do this task, which was overwhelming for him.  The unpleasantness of this ordeal did not make him a great speller or able to sight read those words better- it gave him an aversion to writing period.  He associated writing with being forced to write meaningless words over and over again.  And now as a parent with a main-streamed, autistic son I can see how frustrating a task this is for him.  Why?  Because he isn't ready yet.  Let him get used to writing the words one time apiece instead of frustrating him with the physical writing of the words, so that he can not absorb the meaning of the word and is resistant to even memorizing how to spell it.  I don't want him to feel like a failure every time he sits down to do homework.  I have enough battles getting through a day sometimes.  Neither of us needs schoolwork to become another battle to be endured in the name of pushing the child to be doing work at the same level as his/her classmates without developmental disabilities. 

Final word.  We should all have great expectations for our children and lead them to be successful to the extent of their abilities.  We should not let teachers and other experts force us to push our children faster than the child is really capable of. 

 

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